The five questions every woman should ask a man when she meets him

I took a sick day on Monday and while at home I was prompted – by my mother – to turn to Oprah to watch Steve Harvey spout his advice to women for finding Mr. Right.  All in all, I thought the show was pretty cute.  Steve, who can be slightly rude and condescending on his radio show, played well to the cameras, made me chuckle a few times, and gave some worthy advice to some of the single young ladies that had the courage to parade themselves on national television.

However, I was stopped in my tracks by the Five Question mantra that Steve touted at the end of the show…his ending point, was that there are five questions that every woman should ask a man when she meets them – here goes:

1. What are your short term goals?
2. What are your long term goals?
3. What are your views on relationships?
4. What do you think about me?
5. How do you feel about me?

By now, I’m pretty sure that my five regular readers have a clear picture of who I am…I typically can’t remember names, will occasionally forget a face, and will often botch introductions but I will have you know that I was able to type up those five questions off the top of my head with no problem.  Why was I able to do this?  Because these are the five MOST ridiculous questions that any woman could ask a man when she is first meeting him – in fact, those are five sure fire questions to ask if a woman wants to ensure that she won’t get asked on a second date.

It’s not that I’m against getting to know someone and asking questions on a first or second date but, I’m against the idea of a date masquerading as an interview – I am officially pushing back on the notion that I need to have questions prepared.

If you MUST go on a date with questions prepared, how about these five questions (sprinkled throughout the date):

1. How was your day?
2. You mentioned you traveled to x, y, and z…if you could plan another trip sometime soon where would you go?
3. If society wasn’t measuring you up – and telling you who you had to be – what would you love to do?
4. What are your thoughts on importing/exporting? <insert laugh here>
5. Do you feel it was in bad taste for Ramona to refer to the Countesses husband as an old man? <wait for awkward silence> then be prepared to learn that he doesn’t watch the Desperate Housewives of New York City (am i embarassed that i watch the show – yes; is it good entertainment – yes…check out the second video when you click the link).

DS Download:  The only question you should make sure to ask when you’re first meeting a man that seems interested in seeing you again is – do you have a girlfriend?  It can save hurt feelings and confusion.  All of those other questions can be determined on a need to know basis.  Who says that you’re ever going to see someone again after a first or second date??  Maybe you won’t like them – or vice versa, so why waste the time learning short term and long term goals on the first date! 

Good luck out there!


15 thoughts on “The five questions every woman should ask a man when she meets him

  1. OK, so I totally laughed out loud when I got to your proposed question #5. Uh, yes it was in bad taste. As a faithful RHONY watcher, I know what comes out of Romana’s mouth is usually in bad taste.

    I have Steve’s book, and I’ve never been a fan, but I have to say, his book was enlightening and informative. I do, however, completely agree with you. Those questions are way too deep to ask so soon. You’ve given the ladies some viable options, sans #5. LOL

  2. I am over here cracking up because we have had numerous talks about when it comes to meeting a guy. OK those questions that Steve Harvey suggests are ridiculous. If a women asked a man …especially #1 and #2 right out of the gate….he would be thinking ” OK I already am employed I didnt know I applied for another job”. I dont understand why he would suggest a women ask question #5 because the two are just meeting each other.

  3. Ladies, ladies, ladies. #5 is a very important question. Believe it or not I was asked that question on a first date with my current girlfriend. She asked it in a different way of course. Her questions was….”What are you looking for?” Its the same thing. What she was looking for was whether my description of a girlfriend fit the type of person she is.
    So be sure to ask the question…just ask in a slick kind-of way. You need to know…it will save you a lot of time if you find out early on whether you are or you are not what he is looking for.

    Just my 2 cents….

  4. Hey guys…I’m hope I’m not too late in sprinkling my own thoughts on the – now made infamous by CR…lol – 5 questions a woman should pose to a man early in their courtship.

    First of all, regardless of what your take on the value of Harvey’s questions is, he is due a certain amount of credit for something that is all too often unappreciated – trying. He’s trying, CR. Lord knows somebody needs to, because some of these women really need to ask quite a few more questions than they do before they invest as much as they do in some men. Women could save so much valuable time, energy and heartache by simply delving (not INVESTIGATING) into a few matters early on that could forshadow what their experience might be with a man later down the line.

    I’m definitely on board with question #1. Harvey is right about this one. Simply inquiring into a man’s short term goals can tell you whether he has ANYTHING – and not necessarily something big, either – going on for himself. It can also help you to filter out the champs from the chumps by letting who you’re dealing with know that you’re a women doing real things and making real moves that a loser would be ill advised to waste his time or yours with.

    However, I would argue that our friend, CR, is absolutely right about playing the other 4 cards too early on, particularly questions 4 and 5. A woman simply shouldn’t have to ask where a man’s feelings for her are. Ladies…trust me when I tell that a man who is genuinely interested in you (and interested in you for the right reasons) will let you know. Granted, there are some men – myself among them – that will carefully measure our timing in sharing our thoughts about a woman so as not to frighten her off. However, you’ll know. In fact, if he’s really into you you’ll likely have a hard time getting him to shut up about how crazy he is about you. How many of you ladies have ever had a man around that you weren’t particularly drawn to, but that neglected nay an opportunity to let you know where his intentions were? You probably have at some point or another, and you probably couldn’t get him to shut up about it, either, could you?

    In the end, if I might offer a pinch of my own advice…just be patient. Take things SLOW, and in time you’ll find out everything you need (not everything you might want) to know about where things might be heading. Put it in God’s hands, leave it there, and things with the right gentleman will materialize at the right stride 😉

    Good luck!


  5. What awful questions to ask upon meeting a guy. Seriously, way to scare him off. The first two treat a date as an interview, and treat the man as an applicant who must meet your stringent personal standards for ambition. Any guy ambitious enough for you is likely to not waste his time with such a shallow woman.

    Question number 3…seriously? There is no man who’s thought seriously on this. All you’re doing is asking him to lie on the spot.

    Questions four and five again put him in an uncomfortable position of having to lie to tell you how wonderful you are (God, you’re so special–are you really that jealous that you need constant praise?) or telling you something you don’t want to her. Either way, they are a trap

    You are playing head games and any man with half a brain (granted many of us think w our nether regions) will not bother with you

    • I agree with your point of view – but the sad thing is is that I believe this book made the bestseller list…so there are women out there who are actually doing this. I would hate to think that Steve was purposefully setting people up to fail!

  6. When someone thinks there interested in me I alway ask What yo want from mi !!!!!!.
    Because i need to know sex is not going any were i need to find love first.

    • Thank you! When you visit on the bottom of the page you should see “+follow” – that will get you subscribed. Have a great day.

  7. First of all I would like to say wonderful blog! I had a quick question which I’d
    like to ask if you do not mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your mind prior to writing.
    I’ve had a difficult time clearing my mind in getting my ideas out.
    I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15
    minutes are generally lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints?

    Thank you!

    • Hello – Thanks for the kind words about my blog and thank you for reaching out to me. Typically when I sit down to write I have a glut of information on my mind so it’s just a matter of my fingers keeping up with my brain. Sometimes I do run into a roadblock when I’m writing and when I hit one I try to think through the main points that I want to make, bullet them out (to create an outline), and then form compelling thoughts/stories around each of the bulleted points that I want to make. I hope this helps, good luck!

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